I have much to learn in the realm of parenting...14 years at this gig, and yet, I have much to figure out. There are days when I feel as if I am blowing along with the wind, every which way and that with my parenting. Other days, I feel I am on a straight and steady path, reaching my goals for my children slowly, but surely.
If there is one thing I think I have learned, yet still am working VERY hard on putting into practice with my children, it is the art of listening. I call it an art, because I feel it is something that is rarely put into practice these days it seems, and it takes skill to acquire this if you do not naturally do so.
Am I listening when...
- my children are speaking to me about something very important to them, and I fail to even look in there eyes for I am busy with a task?
- when my little one is stammering and stuttering to get a word out of her wee mouth, and I am too impatient to wait and finish the sentence for her?
- when it is 10 p.m. and this 7 month pregnant mama can't wait to crash into bed, yet I know my oldest wants to talk into the night?
- A friend is telling me excitedly about something that happened to them, and in my mind I am thinking about what I am going to say next to them instead of what they are really saying?
- When talking with my husband, are we allowing the children to constantly interrupt him as he's speaking to me, for they want my attention?
I think it comes back to a change on my view of things. I want to assume the children know I am listening even if I have not made eye contact. Not true. This I have been told. Yes, they know I am busy. Am I showing them I am too busy for them? Is my homemaking getting in the way of my parenting?
Does my two year old benefit from my finishing her sentence for her? No....it just shows my impatience! I would like to think my older girls know how tired I am, and that talking has to wait until morning. Well, guess what? They don't feel like talking in the morning. When they want to open up to me as teenagers, I long to see it as an opportunity to see into their mind and soul. An opportunity that is not always there, so I must seize this special time. They may shut themselves off from someone they don't feel really wants to listen, and I would never want that.
Knowing my husband understand the many demands of parenting...he is so very patient when the children interrupt our talking...and no, it cannot always be a nice quiet time where we can go on without interruption. However, when he is first home from work, or if there is something important on his mind, I make every endeavor to ask the children to kindly wait until daddy is done talking, as long as noone is bleeding! This not only shows them my devotion to their father and the security of our marriage, but also that sometimes they need to wait and that's okay! How will they ever learn patience if they never have to wait?
As a busy mama, these are some of the areas of listening that challenge me on a daily basis. I am determined to show the ones I love so deeply, the love and respect they all deserve by not just hearing their words, but listening with love and intent.
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