Beauty for ashes

This photo of my hubby of 9 years and I was taken about two weeks ago. I happened to post it on facebook...being it's the only photograph of just us we have had since our wedding, I thought some of my family might enjoy seeing it. One of my friends commented how peaceful we looked.

Peaceful.

This photo was taken two weeks after the passing of our son Thomas, who I had carried for 21 weeks. Now, two weeks post-picture, we are in the midst of moving from the home we built ourselves, six years ago this month. And, no, we didn't sell it. 

We lost it. 

Peaceful.

Yes.

And, no. 

Okay, so no...I don't go around singing praise hymns every minute of the day with a glorious smile on my face. And, no I do not have it all together in every way. 

In fact, my teen girls, (bless their hearts), will quickly tell you how I don't have it all together. As sweet as my girls are, they do love to share honestly with others....hmmmm. And, in fact I do find myself putting on Selah quite a bit, but I usually have tears flowing down my face as I am singing the words. Belting them out while browning hamburger to go with our spaghetti. 

I sing through the pain. I am loving God through this storm. For I know that there is beauty in these ashes. 

That is where the peace way down deep below the pain, tears, sadness and grief comes from. It's always there as an anchor to all of these feelings that I work through. 

As I look back on the loss of our second son, Joseph Mark, I remember. I remember how I was so devastated to lose our precious full-term son. Oh, how I prayed for a miracle. That the ultrasound tech was wrong. That he would be alive the next day when I went to deliver him in the hospital.

I would be able to shout out to the world what a miracle he was! My son is alive!

But, my answer was no.

As I recall that difficult time...and the intense difficulties we carried through that fall and winter...(the death of my husband's father, and the heart surgery for my own father)...I see it.

I see the beauty for ashes.

I know that God is moving and working and weaving his tapestry of grace in and throughout these and other trials. As I look around me right now, I see boxes all around our home. I see little ones who helped to make the noises, laughter, tears and life that helped to make this house a home...but as I look at them I feel sadness in the fact that their only home they have known is being taken from them.

I look down and see how I still have the "baby fat" from the baby that is not in my arms right now.

I see a lot of ashes surrounding me. 

But yet, is there not beauty to behold even here and now? 

God is in our midst.

When my husband can wink and smile at me after in exhaustive day of work at his job, and here packing at home...and when the kids are loud and squirly surrounding us.

There is beauty.

As my daughter of 16 speaks words of encouragement to me instead of the usual other way around.

There is beauty.

When father and children embrace with sadness and just hold. hold.hold.

There is beauty.

How you understand a bit of someone else's pain, for you have been down a similar road....and you can share, cry and laugh together.

There is beauty.

How we humbly accept help in a myriad of ways...and those who have blessed us.....we talk with....form closer relationships with.

There is beauty.

Listening as some of my dear children are encouraging me. Teaching me to trust more. And I thought I was the one to teach them.

There is much beauty to behold in these ashes.

 

Isaiah 61:3  and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on the them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Comments

[Deidre]

That is beautiful! there were soo many parts in this that I wish there was a love button!! You have soo much strength and so much insight! You are a great Mama!! If your kids are encouraging you then you KNOW you've done something right! =)
Love you friend!
you inspire me! <3

[Stella]

Wow! I admire your strength, you are a very special lady. Your words touched my soul! You are all blessed to have each other. I can relate to some of your feelings yet I could never have put it into such beautiful words. Thank you for reminding me how the little things in life are the most precious. Big hugs to you all x

[Joy Y.]

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Stella,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so thankful that this meant something to you, and that you could relate. A smile, warm greetings, a loved one's touch....yes, these are the greatest gifts.

Blessings to you and your family,

Joy~

[Cyndi Lou]

I don't have any words to say really. I just wanted to nod my head and send you a hug.
Cyndi

[Joy Y.]

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Thanks, Cyndi.

You and I seem to have had similar crosses to bear at times....and some that look very different. And yet, no matter the cross that we are asked to bear....it truly is carried by the One who bore it all.

Love to you,

Joy~